The results are finally in! The standard of entries in this year’s competition was exceptionally high. We hope you enjoy reading them as much as we did.

DIVORCE SETTLEMENT AGREEMENT 

1. IDENTIFICATION OF PARTIES. 

This agreement is made between Andrew Robert Watson, hereafter referred to as “Fatigued” and “The PhD”, hereafter referred to as “A Weight Around My Neck”. 

2. DATE OF MARRIAGE. 

The parties were married on 01/10/2018 and ever since then have been inseparable. 

3. DATE OF DIVORCE. 

The date of divorce of the parties was 04/02/2022. 

4. IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES.
Irreconcilable differences have led to the irremediable breakdown of the marriage, and there is no possibility of reconciliation (at least for the weekend to allow “Fatigued” to switch off and reset). 

5. MINOR OF THE MARRIAGE. 

There is 1 minor of the marriage of the parties. The minor is as follows: 

Name: ‘As Safe As Houses, The Investment Behaviors of PRS Landlords’ Date of Birth: Unfortunately, still in gestation. 

6. PURPOSE OF AGREEMENT 

Except as otherwise provided in this agreement, the purpose of this agreement is to make a final and complete settlement of all rights and obligations between the parties including property rights, obligations concerning minor custody, visitation and support. 

7. CUSTODY AND VISITATION OF THE MINOR. 

Though no ill will is borne towards the minor, no requests have been made for custody or visitation. 

8. MINOR SUPPORT. 

“Fatigued” has exhausted all monetary supplies and will be unable to offer any form of ‘minor support’. Similarly, the coffers/funding that originally made “A Weight Around My Neck” so attractive, have been bled dry. Therefore, no minor support will be provided. 

9. SPOUSAL SUPPORT. 

“Fatigued” shall pay to “A Weight Around My Neck” for spousal support the sum of ‘Hee Haw’ per month, payable in advance, on or before the last day of each month. 

10. PROPERTY. 

-Copious volumes of academic literature shall vest in “A Weight Around My Neck” on execution of this document.
-A Glasgow University mug liberally stained with both tea and coffee marks will be retained by “Fatigued”.
-A now extremely faded University of Glasgow ‘hoodie’ shall be donated to charity.
-Various pens and pencils appropriated from Urban Studies while no one was looking, will be returned at point of execution. -A largish library fine is being ignored by both parties. 

11. THE FAMILY RESIDENCE. 

Rights to an underutilised desk space in the Adam Smith building have already been revoked due to COVID-19. 

12. RETIREMENT BENEFITS. 

Having spent around three years with “A Weight Around My Neck”, at the peak of his earning potential, “Fatigued” will not be in a position to retire, ever, and so no retirement benefits will be realised. 

13. SIGNATURES AND DATES. 

The foregoing is agreed to by:
DATE: 04/02/22 Andrew Robert Watson (Fatigued)

DATE: 04/02/22 The PhD “A Weight Around My Neck”