Locked down in my living room for years, we played at long distance as the world hunkered down with us. It was some comfort knowing that you were always there for me down the line, giving me structure, as weeks would go by without my seeing another person.

I'm sorry if sometimes I've been hard to be with, a pandemic PhD is fraught with periods of intensity and listlessness. However I feel that I've given us more than enough for our relationship to grow and flourish into something that is more than up-to-scratch.

You've felt intangible for so long, but now you're so close I can almost touch you. I'm afraid that I'm not ready to be with you, or when I am, it will be too hard to let go. Working on the little parts of you, I've sometimes forgotten what it's all for, but taking a step back I realise that it's always been you at the core of what I do, and I'm proud of what we've achieved together.

Did we grow co-dependent? Have I given you enough? What could we have been if we were not confined together for the first 2 years? Where would you have taken me? Manchester, Boston, Singapore, Belo Horizonte, and who knows how many other places. Conferences around the world that we attended together, sat on the same chair we do everything else.

I'm grateful in recent months that we've travelled together for real: Chicago, Budapest, Toulouse. But still, can you forgive me for being a little bitter?

Now we're reaching the end of the journey, and you have been my rock. The remaining months together will be intense, even though we're no longer confined together, but I feel confident that the intensity will be enriching.

Your not so secret admirer

Perry Gibson

@PerryGibson_